apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think i have herpe
just one?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i think i just lost a toe
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
