Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
