I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
