Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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