I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
