Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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