I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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