Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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