so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The ass gains better be worth it
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