Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
