So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
