a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
