The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you would pick up someone in the library
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize