He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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