Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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