Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
