Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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