I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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