i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
