I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
