There is no way he is gay with that hair.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's get the cat blown out
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So apparently I’m into choking now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
