I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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