I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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