cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
