He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
