I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
