forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize