The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
