And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
