i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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