I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
