The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
