dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
