I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
