forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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