Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this will be a night to untag.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
