just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
