Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
