There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
