It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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