he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize