he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
