I wish I could punch you in the face.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
