Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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