How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
