Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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