i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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