Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize