I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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