I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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