It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
