Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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