i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
