My nipple is on Facebook.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
