I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
