I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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