Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
