If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
