you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
