his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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