Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
