Your dad touched me again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
