I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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