chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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