This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize