How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
