can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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