The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
