i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
