That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize