I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
