i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
