Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
