onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
