Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When are your genitals available?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
