If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
