You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
