from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Everclear isn't food dammit
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
