dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
