i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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