Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
