I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize