My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
