he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
