You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
