Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
