I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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