I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
