dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize