I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
