Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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