i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
