Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
