ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
