4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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