So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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