Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
