To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
