Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
