You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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