I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
