My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
