i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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