his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
