just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
