marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
